Review of The Human Centipede 2 [UNCUT]

There have been two major reactions this film has garnered so far; 1. sudden projectile vomiting with permanent emotional scarring, and 2. hearty laughter with amused disbelief. Or, alternatively, a sickly strange mixture of the two (if you can imagine). After watching the whole thing, uncut, mind you, I have to say it was probably the most grossest thing I've seen. That doesn't mean, however, that it's the most disturbing horror movie I've seen, as in I've seen many movies that will stay with me and have made deep impressions in my mind. This is just torture for its own sake; a sick fantasy from some mentally challenged psycho. In other words, fun times abound!

Well, the film starts off with the ending of the first film. We see a rather ugly little plump man seem very affected by the movie, and not in a "Well, I'm going to file a complaint with the MPAA for allowing the release of such garbage!" sort of way, but more in a allured, pervy "Maybe I should try this?" sort of way. Since he works in a parking garage, he obviously has access to isolated people in a dark and creepy environment (and, for some reason, a gun?), which works out well if you're planning to make a human centipede. So he walks up to this couple and shoots them both in the legs before knocking them unconscious with his crowbar. Why it takes this little guy, who is practically four feet tall and four feet wide, one swipe of the weapon to knock everyone out is unknown to me.

Characteristically of a psychopath who kidnaps people for medical experiments, he doesn't seem to have had the happiest childhood. In fact, his mother is rather insane and his father, as shown in an audio flashback, is rather pedophilic (explains quite a bit, in hindsight). So the guy checks out this abandoned warehouse sort of place and kills the man wanting to lease it to him. This really pissed me off; if you're gonna make a human centipede with kidnapped men and women, can't you at least pay the damn rent for creepy warehouse? Geez.

Anyway, his mother is still mad about the whole deal with her husband being sent to prison for sexually abusing her son, so she doesn't treat our main character very well. In fact, she tears up the nice little scrapbook he keeps of the first Human Centipede film, which doesn't go over well with him. He decides his mom is harshing his groove so he kills her with the crowbar he's so handy with. Anyway, he kidnaps some more people and brings them to the place he's got set up. (for free , might I add!) Lacking a medical education, or an education of any kind, for that matter, he brings along some household tools like knives, staple guns, and duct tape. The entire first half of the film shows him gathering the rather reluctant participants he need for his creation (but the crowbar can be convincing).

So, he has all he needs and may begin the party. The last half of the movie features this handsome devil creating and then playing with his new pet. It shows graphic teeth-removal, tendon-snipping, and lip-to-anus-attaching-with-a-damn-staple-gun. How many Academy Awards does it sound like this movie will win? Anyway, he injects the members of these horrendous creation (horrendously funny, that is) with laxative, as any wannabe mad scientist with a human centipede would do. So they start...well, you know... "exploding" their outings into the innings of the person behind them. Suffice it to say, these people aren't having much fun.

An actress from the first film is captured and made into the head of the centipede. Did she really think that Quentin Tarantino would actually recruit such acting royalty as a person who starred in such a gem as "The Human Centipede?" She learns the hard way that refusing to eat brings unwanted consequences, like a forced feeding with a tube and funnel. Anyway, the centipede breaks apart after some time, which displeases our hero so much he empties his gun into one half and slits the throats of the other half, save the actress. He bends down only to have this feisty woman punch him in the crotch. She then grabs the feeding tube she became only too familiar with and makes him become much more familiar with it (shoving it in the other end when he falls to the ground.) As if that wasn't bad enough, she grabs a centipede (actual, not human) and throws it in the tube, for good measure. He, in turn, stabs her in the face. This isn't a good day for this guy, as earlier a pregnant women escaped his little dungeon in a car.

So, did it all happen? Well, that's ambiguous because all he's doing at the end of the film is watch the movie that started it all. So... it could have been fantasy. All that. Could have been fantasy. All of it. An hour an a half. Maybe never happened. At all. Yep

It all comes down to a few questions when considering if a movie was worth watching. 1. Was it any good? As in, was it entertaining and did you gain anything from it, as a person, either humor or insight. I'd have to mark this one as a big NOPE. 2. Would you watch it again? Again, NOPE. I will not be viewing this old film anytime soon, and not because it was far too extreme, but because there was no point. I wouldn't call it "torture porn," or any other sort of porn, to be honest. It's just a dumb movie. A sequel to the first dumb movie. It might be too brutal for the squeamish, but people who can stomach this stuff will just have their time wasted.